149- London Southbank

When I first arrived in London, I used to spend my free time taking strolls (or doing training runs) along the River Thames, at London's Southbank. From what I know, the area used to be rife with criminals and vagrants. It has since metamorphosed into a haven for art, food, and relaxation.

I never really felt lonely in London, not because I always had company, but rather, due to the fact that I am used to existing in solitude. Walks and runs help me clear my mind. To go on such in utterly scenic surroundings helps calm me even more.

I'll miss going to the BFI centre to watch free archival film footage, and browse through the institute's gift shop. I'll miss getting mulled wine from stalls during the winter time. I'll miss looking at the city lights from across the way.

Where words fail me, memories and the radiance of the future inspire me.

MC

148- Musings on the Home Stretch

Less than two weeks to go in the UK, folks. Homeward bound in a blink of an eye. I am thrilled, but not thrilled.

Some fool is probably going to say that I am being less than patriotic by saying this, but, seeing the world tends to muddle your notion of the value of home. Family, loved ones, and other interests aside, I don't really know of anybody who would want to go home to horrific traffic on a daily basis, a system of government that seems to built of corruption and the systematic pushing of deceit unto its people (for many administrations now), education and healthcare structures that leave much to be desired, and an abhorrable lack of planning that simply makes one wish to shake his/her head and say, "What were they thinking?" I know the answer to that. They weren't thinking.

Sadly, all the rubbish I've just mentioned refers to my home country, the Philippines. My motherland has struggled to get on its feet for so long. And yes, many of us have gotten justifiably tired of waiting. Maybe if the reasons for failure weren't "self-inflicted" and done by some in the name of absolute self-indulgence, then, people might be more forgiving. In the same vein, many have become afflicted with an odd form of amnesia. People complain about systems, governance, and all the bits and bobs related to hot issues such as poverty alleviation, peace and order, etc. People also elect the same officials who had gotten the country crippled by stifling social ills to begin with. People stand idly by and allow decay to happen. Those who care, then, slowly begin to care less. Being among the minority who care is a lonely battle. At some point, you have to lay your arms down and think about how you're going to earn your keep, and the sort of world you want your children to live in.

Sure, I'd love to see people I care about, and experience things that are familiar to me, but for the most part, I feel like I am done with all the stupidity, immaturity, and chaos that my country has made all too familiar in the minds of its people. Again, this isn't because I am unpatriotic. Like many Filipinos, I have just begun to think more pragmatically. We are always told to try and "suck the marrow out of life". Well, you can't do that if you choose to stand aloft a slowly sinking stone, can you?

It's going to be an interesting next couple of months. I want to be happy to be on my way home. I do feel a sense of bliss, of accomplishment that my time in London has borne fruit. I too, however, know that I have changed since two years ago, and no longer wish to have those I hold dear be burdened by the "limitations" which "life as we have known it", has tended to hamper our horizons with. I am unaware of what all this means in terms of concrete plans and next steps, but yes, enough is enough. Life is meant to be lived. Play the game. Don't let it play you.

MC

147- Displacement

Every person yearns to have a center, a place he or she can call home. What happens, however, when the notion of "home" is muddled by the reality that one's place of origin is no longer hospitable enough to be called "home"? Does one's newer, more resplendent environment, then, become "home"?

It's a problem many an explorer have dealt with for what seems like an eternity.

MC

146- Impatience

I like to read. I m fascinated by the stories books tell. I am, however, notoriously impatient when it comes to going through thick volumes of text. I have come to a point in my life wherein I just can't stand extremely wordy bits of text. My eyes hurt whenever I go through diminutive lines of text. My head aches at the prospect of reading something 500 pages long. I often find myself wanting to learn- through bite size pieces of knowledge, anyway.

I love that London seems to put a premium on providing the public with access to information. There are libraries everywhere. There are museums for most every topic one can conceive of. It's beautiful, really, that emphasis is placed on broadening one's horizons.

I visit libraries here once in a while to stimulate my mind. I ocassionally find myself reading a book in bed, or at a branch of Pret A Manger. My impatience leads me to go through several books simultaneously. This isn't the ideal setup, but it is better than a total mind block.

My restlessness might be a generational thing (my predisposition on digital innovations which tend to totally smash a person's attention span), or a byproduct of my insomnia, or, being a daysleeper. Maybe it's because I sometimes prefer to do rather than to bask in the glory of reflection. Both avenues have their share of merits, and downsides.

Writing this blog post, in itself, has tested my patience. It is not because I hate writing or am unwilling to share my views on matters of note. It is more because I have a trillion different things on my mind now. I'll be leaving London soon. That too has made me restless. I want to get all the packing and sightseeing and final commitments, over with. Shed the tears, say your goodbyes, and fly. I know I am just saying that because I immersed "in the moment". It is in hindsight when we often realize that the roads we take en route to our final destination are more remarkable than we had ever considered them to be.

Enough with this rambling. On to the next task. My unrelenting debate with productivity compels me to find something to do.

MC